I feel so shitty tonight. I can’t handle this.

sadness-willkillyou:

WHY DONT PEOPLE UNDERSTAND HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO TRY AND RECOVER FROM A MENTAL ILLNESS IM TRYING SO HARD TO RECOVER AND GET BETTER AND MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY IM TRYING IM TRYING PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT IM TRYING

I am feeling SO suicidal recently and IOP today just made it about 1000x worse.

When you graduate from high-school
and you are still counting calories,
exercising obsessively or
hugging toilet bowls
having an eating disorder is no longer a novelty.

When you hit your twenties
and your friends are busy; studying and socialzing
while you become more and more isolated,
alone with your eating disorder
suddenly being ‘unique’ is no longer desirable.

As your 30th birthday approaches
and others celebrate careers, families and travel
while you struggle
to find something to commemorate
suddenly you start to see
that having an eating disorder has become a liability.

By the time you are in your forties
you come to the painful realization
that more than half your life
has been spent
avoiding all the dreams and hopes
that you once had
for yourself.

And you finally start to see,
that all of these years that have been spent
counting calories,
exercising obsessively or
hugging toilet bowls
has meant that you really haven’t been living at all.

(via grabbing-onto-life)

I’m only 18 and this already has hit me. I had to withdrawal from college to come back home and get treatment because being out on your own with your ED is some scary stuff.

IOP Day 5 Update (10/15)

I know this is extremely late but it’s better late than never!

I had my one on one appointment with my therapist at the clinic today and she basically said that if things don’t start getting better in the next couple weeks (in terms of frequencies of behaviors) then they might consider switching me to the PHP program instead. *cue nervousness* She also kind of implied that I WANT php to prove that I am sick enough to need treatment but that is in no way the case. I don’t have anything to prove to anyone.

Meal was hard tonight; I had to push through it.

Overall it was just not a good day at IOP.

comemorningslight:

My treatment team’s answer to just about anything

(Source: harrypottergif)

I really just want to give up

beat-the-aname:

Im getting bad again…

I don’t think I can handle this anymore.

Chilling alone in the IOP room. Tonight has not been so far and will not be good. {

Chilling alone in the IOP room. Tonight has not been so far and will not be good.